Have you traveled over 500 miles just to plant your seed, lumberjack? Do you prefer single-ply T.P. over the double-ply, ultra-soft, city bullsh*t? Maybe the occasional oak leaf? Aunt Jemima's syrup can take a seat because you only brush your teeth with the finest of maple syrup, corked and poured from the tallest of maple trees in Vermont. If tree bark gets you hornin' just as much as stilettos and cocktail dresses, then I believe you can pull off this plaid Christmas suit, and find a mate in the process.