Swimmers beware, for there are tales of a sea monster lurking beneath these very waves. Gather 'round, and listen to the story of the creature from the blue lagoon. He roams clear waters following the siren's song, and tho' he may be a sea serpent of fearsome size, there's nary a need to fear. He's a friendly type, and his voracious appetite can be tamed with but a few swigs of sailor's rum.
So if you submerge your gentle giant in a pair of these blue Hawaiian swim trunks, just listen for the call of the sirens. They're waiting for you, and they have rum.